Right now.. this song just feels right

Dreams by Priscilla Ahn


I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream

I'm reminded once again

This time I'm paying attention. It all began with a video that Ric Saurer posted talking about creativity education in schools and the story about this little girl who's mom was helped to discover that her child had a love of dance and that was why she couldn't sit still.
From the time I was very young.. I always knew I was a dancer. My outlets were to twirl baton, feel the rhythms  and march to the step counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 over and over in my head. I can find a beat in anything. Then I began watching American Bandstand and Soul Train. At this point I knew that I should have actually been born a black woman.. or at least in another city because I needed to have places to dance. Orrville which is 90% white with a sprinkling of diversity was not a good place for a young girl who wanted to dance to grow up. I'm not sure but I even think the dance studios were over in Wooster and the girls who had money seemed to be able to go there for lessons. I don't know..my lessons were always in baton. So back to Orrville and dancing. So we'd have these "dances" in school where I don't remember any girls or boys dancing fast. It was always just bump and grind. Of course my thoughts on this was that white boys can't dance. If they did, I never saw them. But boy oh boy could the black boys dance. No wonder I wanted to be a different race! They had all the fun!  I still enjoy watching black people dance and their sense of rhythm is amazing.
Okay, so another thing that came up recently that reminded me of my love of dance, was this drum circle I went to on Friday night. There were about 20 people there and a couple of dancers.  People drumming, playing percussions, watching. I was mesmorized by the beats. I watched this one belly dancer and found myself instead of putting together a beat for her to dance to, was actually drumming to the rhythm that she offered. 
I'm not sure what is going to come out of all of this realization. But I started with starting a baton group on meetup.com  I can definitely see myself twirling to the rhythm of a drum circle and would love to have other twirlers to perform with.  Or perhaps I just need to invest in some costumes and get out there in my barefeet and dance to the rhythms.
All I know is that rhythms and dancing is the way I was blessed with creativity. Yea I'm older, and overweight, but the fun and energy I feel when in the presence of the beat has always been me.
Not denying, but will pay attention always... 

Have you ever just wanted an onion ring?

Where in the world these thoughts come from I don't know. But there I was leaving the office 10 min late and it was pouring down rain. As I'm coming down the elevator Bruce calls to tell me that he is eating at work and that I should just go ahead and eat. Immediately my mind begins racing. The possibilities seem endless! I for sure know I'm not cooking anything so I begin to think of my dining choices or take home. All of a sudden I decide I want an onion ring. Not a Burger King onion ring, not a Outback Steak House onion ring, not a frozen food onion ring from the grocery, I WANT AN ONION RING! For those that live in Wayne County you know what kind of onion ring I want. That's right a deep fried, batter tipped, sweet juicy onion ring from Bishops. I'm almost getting depressed because I know that it doesn't exist anywhere around here and when I was home last time, did I bother to buy a package of the batter at Buehlers? No! Why? I don't know! Because I ended up just driving home in the pouring down rain, barely able to see thinking...if I can't have that onion ring, then I don't want any. Guess what? I'm making spaghetti.. at home.. don't even have an onion in the house! 

So I didn't know if anybody else has ever had that experience of wanting the totally unavailable or not. But that's my onion ring story. The end.

Blogging without sounding Bi*c*y

All day long I've been fretting about what my next subject will be. Those that know me (and love me) know that I can be a bit whiney or bitchy or both. So I'm not even going to attempt to not whine or bitch. So let the fun begin!
I'll let you decide if they should go in the bitchy column or whiney column or both!
1.  A 18 mile commute to work that normally takes 40 minutes took me 75 minutes!
2.  I wore a cute new dress to work and only a couple people noticed (so what's the point of a new dress then:?*! am I right or what? )
3.  Did I already say the 75 minute drive to work today?
4.  Having to go to the gas station and bank after work today. So not only did I leave at 7;30 in the morning, now I'm not getting home until 6:00 at night. But I have a job! Repeat to self: But you have a job.
5.  Watching this couple at the gas station- woman in a truck and man standing at her door eating a sandwich. Then as I'm pumping gas I notice her bitching him out followed by a kiss and a hairtoss, and then more kisses. Can we say a...f...f...a...i...r.... ? I'm so nosey and judgemental too!
6. Highlight of the evening. I get to take a piece of meat from last nights dinner and turn it into a Fajita, with 1/4 of an onion and some lettuce, sour cream and cheese. Let the fun begin!
7. Can you believe it took me 75 minutes to go 18 miles?

Truly I do have lots to be grateful for and I recognize that as well.  It's just always been more fun to whine. :)

Giraffe... really....

No middle aged womans blog is complete without discussing the horrors of bathing suit shopping.  Well today was it. Once a year I hit the 75% off sale at Dillards in hopes of getting a bathing suit for a decent price that will make me look presentable at the very least. I'm always successful with finding a bargain, the other part is more taxing. First of all.. I lucked out because the woman working the floor had the same body type as me and could understand my needs from the beginning. However, the 75% off sale was a week ago Sunday and I swear there were only about 6 suits left in my size. I started out by trying on "tankini's". Well as usual the kini teeny tops didn't work on my volumptuousness, so I moved to the one piece. I swore I'd never buy another miracle suit. But there it was! On my rack to try on. Looking like some big huge giraffe prints as well. Oh gawd. What choice did I have though. The bright yellow two piece didn't work, the tankini's no way! and then I saw where I brought back some tops that didn't even have bottoms with them (wtf? obviously I was stressed). So I try on the giraffe suit. First thing I notice right away is the comfort of it all. Second thing I notice is my boobs fit in it. Third thing I notice is I look slimmer in it, actually I look very nice in it. So as much as I didn't want to buy the giraffe suit I was forced to. It was on sale 75% off, but it was no $20.! Try more like $40. I justify this of course because I live in florida and I must have bathing suits, and I'm worth it. You'll here me saying "I'm worth it" over and over . So the next time you are finding yourself staring at a zoo print, my suggestion is to try it on. Because you never know you too could be a giraffe if the price is right and the fit is too!

Let's start at the very beginning.... (singing the words from do re me in Sound of Music)

So all my life, I've asked myself what's my creative spirit enjoy doing? So in an attempt to answer that questions I thought I would begin a blog. Encouraged by my good friend and spiritual sister, Jayme I will begin my journey. I'm hoping I will be able to bring some wisdom, humor, spirituality and sensual experiences to the forefront of my thoughts. Looking for all those things truly to be grateful for because I know it is the only true way to happiness.  My challenge will be to try to write and not be fearful of judgement from others. But that is my challenge and I'm sure I'm not alone as a beginning blogger. 

Passions I hope to delve deeper into are:  mermaids, foods, all things girly and sexy, spiritual wisdom no matter where it comes from (truth is truth), family, friends, ocean friends (shells, etc.), art.  All in random order. I can't wait to figure it all out!